Hary Potter and the Pratty Potions Professor
by Leslie the paintbrush
Summary: This is a micky take on Harry Potter. Read the summary inside. RR PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I WILL ACCEPT WHAT YOU THROW AT ME.


Harry Potter and the Pratty Potions Professor  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of the Harry Potter characters they belong  
to J. K. Rowling's wonderful series of Harry Potter books.  
  
R+R R+R Read and Review also read summary below so you don't flame me. R+R  
  
Summary: This was a school assignment for my drama class where we  
had to take the micky of a book or TV show. This is basically picking fun at the characters of Harry Potter and because it was originally a play will be focusing only on Harry Ron Hermione Malfoy and our very own Pratty Potions Professor Severus Snape (the rest of the class are in the hospital wing due to an attack by some blast-ended skrewts. Are I hear you ask why were Harry, Ron, Hermione and Malfoy not affected well, that is because Harry, Ron, Hermione attacked Malfoy (while Crabb and Goyle were else where) and were caught by Professor McGonagall and were being yelled at for half an hour while the class was being burned)  
  
__________________________________________________________  
  
Harry and Malfoy sat all alone in the potions class as they waited for a late Professor Serverus Snape Potion master of Hogwarts School.  
  
There was a creek. The door swung open and in staggered Hermione under a pile of books on potions, poisons and antidotes. She stumbled down the centre row of desk.  
  
"Hey Granger," said Malfoy spitefully as he landed a sharp kick at the back of the knee sending her to the floor and scattering her books across the dungeon floor. "What a klutz."  
  
"Watch it Malfoy," growled Harry as he rose to his feet.  
  
For a second time the door of the dungeon swung open. Snape was silhouetted in the stone door way. He stalked down the rows of empty desk towards where Harry was standing frozen next to Malfoy, his cloak billowing out behind him creating a vampire effect as the candlelight flickered off his white face. And then to finish his evil persona he.tripped.  
  
A snigger went up around the 3 pupils currently in the class as they watched Snape pull him self to his feet and stride towards them livid with rage.  
  
"Silence!! Mister Potter do sit down," drawled Snape in a forcefully, even tone as Harry sat. " Now we seem to be rather short of people today, due, no doubt, to Hagrid's incompetence. SIT DOWN MISTER POTTER!! Is there a spring attached do your arse, are you under the bouncing charm. NO I don't think so! So SIT. Now today."  
  
For a third time in the lesson the door was swung open and in hoped  
  
Ron grasped in his hand was an old broken in book.  
  
"Oh bloody hell," cried Ron looking at what book he had brought and throwing a tattered transfiguration book to the stony dungeon floor ground.  
  
"Here Ron I always carry a spare" said Hermione as she shuffled forward grabbing a shiny new book from here desk and handing it to Ron.  
  
"You really are pathetic Weasley," drawled Malfoy.  
  
"Why do you think you are so much better than Ron Malfoy?!"  
  
"Why that is easy Granger it is because I am richer that you"  
  
Hermione, Ron and Harry spun on Malfoy.  
  
"Weasley, Granger, Potter sit, 50 points from Gryffindor!" ordered Snape his voice sharp as he glared them into order. "Now firstly mister Weasley you are unprepared for this lesson, 13 points from Gryffindor, secondly your.err.inappropriate use of the English language, 7 and a third points from Gryffindor, and lastly, lastly you are.um.late"  
  
"But you only just got here sir," said Harry angrily jumping out of his seat yet again as though someone had just jabbed him with a rather sharp pin.  
  
There was a short silence as Harry and Snape glared at each other.  
  
"Potter, the time I arrive at my lessons is none of your business. Mister Weasley you are now in detention for your lateness as are you Mister Potter for your impertinence. NOW lets get on with the lesson shall we? Okay we are going to have a little quiz."  
  
Harry Ron and Hermione exchanged glances they knew what Snape's quizzes were like, an evil excuse for him to launch a campaign of hate on the Gryffindors and especially Harry.  
  
"Now Mister Potter what do you get when you add salt to water?"  
  
Hermione's hand shot into the air and started its tell tail wave, as she desperately tried to get Snape's attention.  
  
"I don't know, Sir," snarled Harry.  
  
"Ha! You don't know," taunted Snape as he turned to is favourite student Master Draco Malfoy. "Mister Malfoy do you know?"  
  
Malfoy gave a simpering smile and sneered, "Salt water, Sir."  
  
"Very good, 23 points to Slytherin. Now Mister," Snape paused in an act of mock contemplation. "Hmm.Potter. What do you get if you add a mixture of flour, milk, eggs and some water?"  
  
Hermione's hand waved again her hand hadn't gone down from the first question bet she still waved, "Sir" she moaned.  
  
"Put your hand down you bothersome girl. Well Mister Potter do you know? No? Well the answer is quite simple really a type of pastry or bread. HA!! Hermione hand down!" Snape barked fiercely.  
  
"But SIR"  
  
"NOW. Silence," Snape's eyes glowed with anger.  
  
"But sir I need to go to the toilet. REALLY BADLY!!"  
  
"Go just GO!!!!!" said Snape through gritted teeth staring at the back of the room and pointing to the door. "And don't come back till next lesson"  
  
"Yes sir. Thank you sir," stammered Hermione as she swiftly walked from the room holding her numerous books and dragging her bag behind her.  
  
"Now where was. I think Mister Weasley can answer a question for once," sneered Snape what do you get when you add spiders-"  
  
"Spiders! SPIDERS!! AAAAAHHHHHHH" screamed Ron as he ran from the room leaving a Ron shaped shadow in his wake.  
  
"Wait Ron," yelled Harry and dashed out the room with him.  
  
"Now.err.well seeing that we seem to have no class left Mister Malfoy you may go. Oh and 33 points will be awarded to Slytherin because Slytherin is MY favourite house!"  
  
Malfoy without now anything to do leaves the class and wanders into oblivion because he has no one to show of to or anyone to put down.  
  
"Huh-hum. It is at this point that I would like to say something to the audience to this piece of writing. Buy L'Oreal shampoo," Snape flicked his hair. " Because I am worth it!" 


End file.
